Relationship first date

Imagine going on 121 dates before stumbling upon the person you wanted to spend forever with, and you have a glimpse of Wendy Newman’s life.

out on January 12, Newman has been in just about every first-date situation imaginable, from meeting someone who drastically lied about his age to getting that tingly feeling that something magical was about to happen. Here, she explains 16 different things she learned in the 10 years of dating it took before she met her partner, Dave, in February 2021.

Knowing that it only takes one doesn’t automatically mean there only is one. “In all that dating, I met 121 different men, and I saw 121 different futures,” says Newman. “I found my person, but I met a lot of amazing men along the way.” Looking at your odds — there are so many people out there, so of course more than one might make you happy! — can help reduce some of the pressure to force something when it may not be there, and some of the disappointment if it isn’t.

Newman loves high heels, so she continued wearing them even though they sometimes threw a wrench into things. “We all know ‘6 feet’ can be code for ‘5-foot-10’ on dating profiles. I’m 5-foot-7, so I kept showing up and towering over my dates, which wasn’t fun for me,” she says. But did she stop wearing the heels? Nah, because that misrepresentation wasn’t on her, and they made her feel confident.

Grabbing a drink or coffee is often a safer bet. “If you’re going to dinner, there needs to be enough material to have about a good hour and a half of conversation,” says Newman. And if there isn’t? Prepare for awkward silences and escaping to the bathroom to send your friends a rushed “WTF do I do?!” text.

“Something like, ‘Hey, how are you doing?’ or ‘How was your weekend?’ immediately gave the date a sense of familiarity and made the guys feel more at home with me,” says Newman. “It was an organic way to make things feel more natural, probably because it helped show that I was looking at them as people instead of just trying to get the right answers out of them.”

This especially comes in handy if you want to see if there’s a spark. “I’d say something like, ‘You were talking about how you’re really great at guitar,’ then have them explain how they got to be so good at it,” she says. When most people talk about something they’re skilled at, they turn into the most attractive versions of themselves — better posture, radiant confidence, twinkling eyes. If you weren’t 100 percent sure about the attraction but feel a stomach swoop when that happens, there may be something there worth exploring.

She declined and left, forever taking with her the knowledge that it’s OK to stop a date if you can tell it’s not going to work. “As he was hobbling across the street with his cane before the date, I could have been very gentle and said, ‘Thank you for coming, I’m so glad you made it out, but I don’t want to waste your time,’” says Newman.

As in, chances are you won’t have to go through the same exact traumatizing experience in your future. After Date 54, he of the erect penis, Newman could have been like, “Eff this, singlehood, I choose you.” But she wasn’t about to give up, because she’d probably never have to deal with that situation again. “I knew my next date wouldn’t be a 78-year-old proposing sex because of his ruined Johnson,” says Newman. “It could only get better from there as long as I was willing to keep leaving the house instead of watching Law and Order reruns.”

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