Nothing. Nada. Lost. Bored. Zzzz

Prompt Thread

This story would be Pulitzer-worthy if “nothing” was something or if boredom was prize-worthy, which it should be.

Nothing is my home town.

Nothing is 3 kilometres-due-fuckall of Lazy Town. Which is due who-gives-a-shit of Sleepy Town.

You’ve probably heard of the Bermuda Triangle or the Maize Triangle. Our three towns — LAZY, SLEEPY, and NOTHING — make up the Vacuity Triangle.

Population: 3, all-male, the prospects for population growth are not looking good. Plus 82 tumbleweeds, and some critters. We had a milk cow, Nincompoop, but her udders were dry — “milkless” would have been a more apt name, because she could still poop.

She died due to flies. It wasn’t an infection, the flies swarmed onto her back, and she died from the weight of carrying so many flies.

Shame. Poor Nincompoop. I can still hear her final Moooo followed by Ooof, kadoof! as she hit the dirt. The swarm of flies blocked out the sun for a while, that was a welcome change … and then settled again. Nincompoop didn’t mind, she was already expired.

Then for a while, we had the excitement of maggots. That night I had a nightmare:- one of the maggots near Nincompoops poop hole, looked at me, and had a furry hat on with a big-time attitude. I can out-smile-eew, he kept taunting like I gave a shit.

I scooped him up with a piece of dried dung and ’maggots’ spoke to me. That’s what I chose to call him — maggots.

“Put me down punk, I run a publication. I’m on Twitter — a lot, and I’m important. I have seven kids and a grandma that’ll beat your ass.” Maggot said.

I dropped maggots back down in the oozing pile of maggots and he munched away num, num, num om nom nom …, num, num, num, om, om, nom, nom … num, num, num om nom nom …, num, num, num, om, om, nom nom … he was a hungry little maggot. num, num, num om…

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